Notes on the Wedding

The wedding was wonderful. Beautiful. Simple. Loving. We danced, Sam beamed, we drank too much (especially me, of course), and committed minor acts of debauchery. And at the end of a long night of partying, Sam spent her first night as a married woman curled up in bed, spooning…

With me.

Poor girl – I was passed out in her husband’s childhood bed (hey, she put me there), and her husband was sound asleep on the couch (she even tried blowing on his eyeball). Eventually, I realized the problem with this arrangement and left the bed so that her husband could join her (this was after snuggling with her – she didn’t mind, but put a pillow between us in case I mistook her for someone else), and climbed into the extra large king bed (seriously, biggest bed I’ve ever seen) down the hall… next to Married Dude (my pet name for him) who’d been hitting on me all night. When I woke up the next morning, I took a sharp breath. Ok, he’s still squarely on the other side of the bed. Ok, still have my dress and all pertinent undergarments squarely on. Interesting that he is all but naked, but hey – that’s his problem. I don’t care how drunk I was, how foolish I may be – that’s somewhere I’m not going.

I must say, I did put quite a damper on Married Dude’s evening. In the early afternoon, I was frantically setting up for the wedding. He came over and was being very helpful – so I quickly checked his hand (it’s a quick and dirty way to tell if a guy is just being nice or if he wants something). Wedding band, he’s just a nice guy – cool. He comes back half an hour later to help some more – and the ring is gone. Ding-ding-ding, fire alarms going off in my head, but I keep my breakneck speed to be sure that all the centerpieces are done for the ceremony. Seriously – I smelled by the time the ceremony started. But they got PERFECT weather, and the whole place was STUNNING… I’m so happy for Sam. The girls show up, and as soon as the ceremony is over I give them the heads up about Married Dude. Later on, Sam introduces me to two of John’s (the wonderful new husband) female friends from childhood (I already know his male friends – for old guys they are amazingly close – 30 and they still see each other almost every day). They were cool and fun and danced up a storm – and I informed them about Married Dude as well.

Later on, after a very inebriated Andrea messed with his head a little, he went to the bride to inquire where those “three chicks” went (meaning John’s friends), because they looked like they would “certainly” give him a blowjob. I was too nice just to lead him on and turn him down; I should’ve used a knife – or at least some ice.

That started off quite a week of traveling. Give me some time to compile those stories (at least the ones that can be told. Some must be left out to protect the not so innocent). Yes, the week included cornrows (and another Married Dude) - and yes, I will include pictures.



The Wedding!